“The Nun” Movie Review

Synopsis:

When a young nun at a cloistered abbey in Romania takes her own life, a priest with a haunted past and a novitiate on the threshold of her final vows are sent by the Vatican to investigate. Together, they uncover the order’s unholy secret. Risking not only their lives but their faith and their very souls, they confront a malevolent force in the form of a demonic nun. (Google)

Analysis:

When I first heard that they were making a movie about the Marilyn Manson Nun from “The Conjuring 2” I will admit, I scoffed at the idea, and for about 30 minutes of this film- I was about to eat my words.

This film started off dark, grisly, and a bit frightening. The tone started off great early in the film and it seemed like this movie was going into a RPG direction which was something I thought was cool. The director, Corin Hardy (known for directing the Irish/ Scottish creature feature film “The Hallow”) did a good job with setting up the dark mood of the film, especially with the gothic looking Church abbey that most of the film is set in. But right as I was about to apologize, the film started to explore the abbey and said “Well, looks like our job here is done.” To which I replied with “Wait, what? Oh no. Oh no! OH GOD THIS FILM IS FALLING APART!”

My real problems with this film is: for starters, this film seems like a step down for the director, the scares are too telegraphed to be truly frightening, and the only character I can connect with is the character Frenchie (Jonas Bloquet) because he seemed to be the smartest character in comparison. Another thing that disappointed me was the fact that I felt like Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga, best known for the television series “American Horror Story”) felt wasted to me. And the last thing that bothered me was the fact that The Nun, the thing that’s selling the movie, doesn’t show up until the third act of the film- so for the rest of the movie, we deal with ghosts, and henchmen of The Nun… So, I honestly feel bad if that’s your only reason to watch the film because that Nun is the most Prima Donna demon I’ve ever seen in a film.

So, this further proves my point that this movie was unnecessary to me, because we already got The Nun’s story in “The Conjuring 2”. The movie I honestly wanted was a movie for The Crooked Man, because in “The Conjuring 2” we only got a nursery rhyme and a cameo from him… so if we get one more movie in The Conjuring Universe, it better be for my boy, The Crooked Man!

Grade:

“The Nun” is a step above the first “Annabel” movie, but that’s a low bar to leap over… so this is one of the weaker films in The Conjuring Universe and since I don’t have to hold back, I’m giving this film a 4/10 or an F.

If you really want The Nun, be my guest- but I’d personally suggest just watching “The Conjuring 2”.

Winchester

Plot:

In 1906 Sarah Winchester, the heiress of the Winchester repeated arms company builds a house with rooms that have no apparent rhyme or reason to them other than to keep the spirits that were killed by the Winchester rifle at bay. A doctor is sent to the Winchester mansion to check on the sanity of Sarah Winchester to see if there really are ghosts, or if she’s gone insane.

Review:

Y’all know I’m a huge horror movie fan, and there’s nothing I like better than a really good scary movie….. which is why it pains me to have to review the movie like this. I have to be honest, because it would be a disservice to me and all of you not to say how I really feel about this movie.

This film is really boring, it took all my willpower not to fall asleep during this film. All the ‘scary’ scenes are nothing more than jumpscares that are just lazy in my opinion. I’ve seen a hotel room be scary and effective (1408), how they dropped the ball with the ultimate spook house like The Winchester Mansion is beyond me. But the ultimate crime this movie commits is throwing a plot twist near the end which I felt was unnecessary, besides the fact that the directors also did ‘Jigsaw’ but in that movie I understood why it was thrown in… not this one.

This movie really let me down y’all.

Grade:

I hate to do this, but I’m giving “Winchester” a 5/10 or an F. It’s the first F I’ve given and I’m sure it won’t be the last (*cough* 50 Shades *cough*)